Saturday, March 17, 2012

Kids just say it.


As a college student suffering all the illusions of immortality, I often thought of myself as a child, with all the trappings thereof. The day my friend brought me to her library of her youth, while we were on spring break of my junior year, we strolled into the children’s department. Three kids were running about playing merrily. The immediate sense of bonding was shattered when the older looking boy glanced up from their distraction, looked right into my eyes, and shouted, “GROWN UPS!!” 

That’ll dispel your illusions of eternal youth.

But, that set me onto another of my best bad ideas. I'm just going to start taking some kid under the age of 6 out with me wherever I go. And, in exchange for free ice cream, the kid will just blurt things out about the people around me, that I don't have the heart/ stomach/ gall to say.  Like when you're walking around the store, and "that person" is taking up, just enough of the aisle that you can't really get around, and not paying the slightest bit of attention to you. You try to make eye contact, but it seems like they're trying to dodge your gaze. My kid can just say, "Why does that lady/ man have the cart, right in the middle of the walkway?" And I know what you're thinking, "What little kid uses the word 'walkway?'" I would specially train my sugar needy acolyte to use at least one head turning word per criticism. That way, the victim is both abashed AND confused, giving us more time to effect our escape.