Attention! Attention!
Settle down class. It's time for a quick discussion on touching. Not like Hitch's primer, on breaking the touch barrier. After all, this is a 101 class, not Remedial Boyfriend.
Better Boyfriend 101 (Hand Holding)
Hand holding is one of the basic components of romance. It rates so low on the scale of affectionate contact that it doesn’t get a base. It would be the base line on the way to “kissing?” It’s a little odd how that works. It’s hard to build the relationship without it. But it doesn’t show up nearly as often in established relationships. Anyway, as a consummate people watcher I get to see couples hand in hand all over. During undergrad, there was a couple who was almost famous for their method of clasping. The duo even had a nickname based on their technique, “the 90 degree couple.” Try to picture with me, two people standing approximately two feet apart, separated by almost the exact distance of their collective shoulder-to-elbow span. Because, they’re standing scarecrow style, forearms dangling into a grip knot of fingers, suspended over the sidewalk. Tragic.
Hand holding is a pretty nice thing. It’s an element of closeness available when other such demonstrations of affection aren’t appropriate. It’s a promise of something enduring. Palms of each partner nestled in the hand of the other. Or for the more intimate, there are the intertwined fingers of the passionate. Hand holding is a desire to cherish, each other despite engaging in extraneous activities (walking, TV watching, or even writing). It’s connection despite “whatever.” And it communicates so much to both one’s partner and to the rest of the world.
Is hand holding her leash, whereby she can drag her reticent partner from store to store at the mall? Or a pacifier to silence her during the game? Trying not to lose him in a crowd? Is it a tangible, “I love you?” Or did you just forget that the “Red Rover” game ended. I’m forced to admit that I am in the category of hand holders which includes the hand-kissers who draw circles on the backs of their partner’s hand. Lucky for me, my girlfriend* is, too.
Then there is the hyper jealous partner. Not like normal jealous (“No, you can’t go out alone with your ex”). Or even very jealous (“Was that guy checkin’ you out”). But, he’s the kind of guy whose jealous insecurity oozes out of all of his body language, interposing himself between his hostage… I mean, partner, and the person foolish enough to step in between him and the object of his possession. The dead giveaway is when you see the happy couple charging down the street holding hands. But, holding hands is a terribly flawed way to describe the activity. As opposed to the fingers being lovingly intertwined, or even each hand tucked neatly between the thumb and the forefinger, he’s got her in “The Clamp.” His hand encases her entire hand, thumb included, in a vice grip of possession. Someday, they’ll realize that he doesn’t own her.
Like I said, already, hand holding is a funny thing. It’s an electric shock through your body, the first time that it happens. But when the novelty wears off, people forget that it’s about connecting to your partner. So whether you’ve been dating for two weeks or married for two decades. Take your partners hand, and try a little tenderness. But don’t be vice grip guy.
Share with the class? Why do you hold hands? Why don't you hold hands? What's your most memorable hand holding experience?
*Not pictured
Proper and improper hand-holding demonstration by yours truly and renowned actress, Abbie Getty.
Hey look, I'm on your blog! even if it is as an example of what NOT to do ;>)
ReplyDeleteWhen I see a couple who are over 40 holding hands, I think, "Wow, they must be really in love." I tend to assume that they've been together for awhile, and also, I think some people of a certain age would be embarrassed by the simple act of hand-holding. The older the couple, the sweeter it is, in my eyes. It shows a continued connection, and the desire for physical proximity. (I will say that I don't think a lack of holding hands demonstrates lack of love. I'm just saying its presence is affirming.)
I tend to view hand-holding as a really sweet thing, no matter the kind of relationship, however. The sweetness of a relationship often comes thru in the holding of hands. I have a particular aunt & uncle, for example, who will still hold hands with their daughters for awhile, esp when they go on a walk - even tho their daughters are in their 20s, married, w/ children. The whole family is, to over-use the word, pretty sweet with each other, and tend to be very kind people, and I think it's nice to see those daddy-daughter or mommy-daughter moments continue into adulthood. My immediate family not being very touchy, I notice these things in other people.
In my life, holding hands tends to be really memorable, a rare & precious thing. (Note: I take physical touch more seriously than most people.) The first time I held hands with a boy is burned in my memory forever. When I got to college, I decided that holding hands was my new favorite thing, because it was a way you could platonically share affection with boy or girl friends. I would often be found holding hands that first year of school, and one of my good girlfriends continues to be an avid hand-holder. It's just nice!
One night, near the end of the school year (it could've been fresh or soph yr), I took a walk with a good guy friend of mine, and we walked and talked in the moonlight for hours, holding hands some of the way, and it was lovely. And that particular guy and I had a pretty tumultuous friendship, which made those moments even sweeter.
In NYC, hand-holding is highly useful, as well as nice. A particular guy friend of mine once grabbed my hand to lead me through the crazy Times Square throngs in the rain, on the way to his friend's apartment. Another male friend, who is one of my biggest cheerleaders, grabbed my hand to make sure I didn't step off a curb into a huge puddle in Chinatown, and then kept holding it as we meandered down the street (on what was probably my favorite day in 2010).
Also, I *love* holding hands with children. It is the ultimate sign of trust and I-want-to-be-with-you. I have many special memories of holding my open hand out behind me, and feeling a little hand join mine.
It may sound silly or superstitious, but I really believe that my hand will fit with the hand of the man I marry. You can't hold hands with just anyone - some people's hands just.don't.fit. Only with two men ever in my life have I thought, with a sense of wonder, "Our hands fit." Somewhere out there, there must be a third man. And hopefully he is waiting for me.
And THAT, my friend, is what I have to say about hand-holding. ;>)